Scrooge You Part 1.

Ahh, the holidays, nothing more brings to mind the smell of roast turkey, the sparkle of lights, throngs of angry shoppers and the debate about the holidays. We all hear the following at least once or twice during this holiday season:

1. You should never say X-MAS, only Christmas!
2. It's not happy holidays, it's Merry Christmas!
3. We make Christmas too secular, it needs to go back to its roots!
4. Jesus is the reason for the season!
   
5. Not everyone is Christian you know, there are other holidays at this time other then Christmas!
6. Bah, the holidays suck it's the worst time of year.

So what do we know about the origins of Christmas? As we all know the NT does not give a solid date for the actual birth of Jesus. We do know he was born sometime between year BC 8 & 6. As to the month, it's anyone's guess. I've personally read differences from May - January. We just really have no way of knowing.I'm not really a historian so any personal views on the actual date do not have any true primary research behind them and would be nothing more then hypothetical guesstimates. In this case, I don't think the actual month & day is that important.

Winter celibrations are nothing new, Hanukkah is mentioned in the Talmud and other sources. Sol Invictus was observed by the Syrians as a way to worship various sun gods during solstice. The ancient Greeks held a celibration of Dionysis (God of wine) in which a festival was held in his honor. Early Romans celibrated Saturnalia which began as a feast day for Saturn

Early Christians really did not practice Christmas until 354 AD which is the first record showing a feast by Christians on December 25th. During the middle ages Christmas was actually very rarely recognized, the importance being placed on the epiphany instead. It wasn't really untill the 1200's or so that Christmas really took off as a celibration. But that lasted only a few hundred years, in 1647 protestants actually banned the celibration of Christmas as "trappings of popery" & "rags of the beast". Through the late 1600's the protestants even had the celibration of Christmas outlawed in Boston. Then, during the American revolution most Americans did not celibrate Christmas because they felt it was an English holiday. Everyone should remember George Washingtons famous attack on the British during Christmas of 1777.

The modern day celibration of Christmas (family, compassion, good will, etc) can really be traced to one man, Charles Dickens. He wrote A Christmas Carol in 1843 and after that book was published, Christmas as we know it today was born.

So the continual evolution of how society celibrates Christmas is farily easy to see I think. We are constantly adding/changing/removing things from how "normal" society celibrates Christmas. The Christmas we celibrate today isn't the same Christmas our great-grandparents celibrated. And, the Christmas our great-grandchildren celibrate will probably be different from ours.


On Friday I will continue this post dicussing the modern day conflict and what if anything in my view needs (or doesn't need) to be done.

Update

So folks, sitting in my lap as I type is the newest member of the Roesler family, Braden James. He was born on Tuesday at 2:30pm weighing 6lbs 11oz and 19 inches long. Mom and baby are doing just fine, still a bit tired though. He's an easy baby, only waking a few times a night to get a little food. He's very alert, spending more then a few hours up and just studying everything around him. It must be pretty neat (and scary) coming into a world you know nothing about, and everything is new to you.
The other two boys have taken to his new brother like ducks to water. Caden is loving his role as a big brother; helping feed, burp and hold his little brother. I'm keeping this post short, as I now have to feed a hungry boy!

A day in the life.

It's been one of those days for me. Due to the emergency patch Microsoft released on Thursday night, we have been working long days to patch all of our servers and systems. We only have a few more to patch, and then the fun starts, waiting for things to break. I started to wonder, why does so many of of Microsoft's patches break after you apply them to your pc. To the right is one of Microsoft's lead programmers Mr. Hairy C. Himp.

The alarm went off at 8, time to get my butt out of bed and get ready for Karate. Why again did I accept Saturday morning classes? Class went pretty uneventful until we started practicing with the Bo Staff (think of a long heavy stick). As I was twirling it in the session, I was feeling pretty good. I just knew I looked like Brue Lee. As I gained in confidence, I twisted the stick into a fighting stance, and drove in for the kill. Unfortunately my head had a different opnion and decided to intercept the path of my backstroke. I think the thud as it struck my melon could be heard from 2 counties over.



After we got home from Karate, it was time to head out to buy the boys some more clothes for winter. One odd thing about children, if you keep feeding them they keep growing. It gets expensive having to continuously buy kids clothes. I tried talking Emma into only feeding the kids once a week. I mean if snakes can do it, so can kids, right? But, I got about as far with that suggestion as a cake goes at a weight watchers convention.


Right before we left to go to the clothing store, Caden comes running into the living room screaming like a banshee, holding his hand. He then stars crying, yelling "ouch, ouch, ouch" and running to Emma. After trying to calm him down, she finds out the problem. Emily had her curling iron on the bathroom counter, and for some reason Caden decided he wanted to grab it. Well, it burned him pretty good. After Emily doctored him up with ice, kisses and a bandaid, we finally left the house.

We then stopped by Goodwill to donate some clothes. Pulling up into the donation line there was a truck sitting in front of us. I pulled up behind the truck, and we waited. While we were waiting, 2 cars pulled up behind us and they started waiting. Finally, someone comes out to take our single bag of clothes, then they walk back into the store. Great, I can't move forward because this truck is sitting there, I can't backup either. The other car is pulled up so close to my rear that he could give me a colonoscopy if he wanted too and not get out from his car. We waited there for 10 minutes untill the truck in front pulled out. I guess it's true, no good deed goes unpunished.

For dinner I made a modified version of Melanies Sloppy Jalopies which were very good! Instead of using baking potatoes, I used Red potatoes and served it on mashed potatoes. We then decided to get into a little bit of Halloween spirit. At Wal-Mart the we had purchased some washable paint and we let the boys loose on Emmas tummy. Since it's not going to be here much longer, we wanted to get something recorded for posterity. We all had a lot of fun with it.

After we put the kids to bed, Emma and I watched a little TV. While flipping through the channels we stopped and watched some CNN. They were talking about the mortgage crisis, crisis on wallstreet, yadda yadda yadda. I have no true clue as to what is going on, I just know it's nice having $2 gas again. Makes you stop and think about how the actual price of gas is decided. Yes, I've taken plenty of economic classes, but it's insane gas can flucuate 100% in the space of a few months. I swear, the price of gas has more mood swings then a 14 year old High School girl.

Now, it's late, I can patch 1 more server now that it's done backing up, and I can finish the rest first thing tomorrow morning. All I know, is I had better get to bed as soon as i'm done, i'm not feeling all that intelligent right now.





UPDATE - I finally finished patching all of the servers and none failed, YAY!!! I really feel like this guy now!

A guide to caring for babies, Roesler style.

Wow, time sure flies doesn't it? In just about 2 weeks, we will be greeting the newest member of our little family, Braden. We spent some time with the boys on Sunday going over the do's and don'ts of babies. The first rule I was talking to them about was how to hold a baby. Having a house full of boys, we didn't have any baby dolls so I used Caden's spiderman doll as a substitute. "Caden, show me how you hold a baby". He got down on the floor, crossed his little ankles and held out his arms next to his legs. I placed the spiderman doll in his arms and he held it properly (YAY, score 1 point for us). I did the same with Dylan, and he held it correct as well. During this time Emma is putting up foo-foo in the babies room so I walk over to help her put some stuff down low. Watching her try to bend over with that Baby Gullet is like watching a Rhino try to tap dance. Emma, is usually fairly graceful but with that world champion beer gut the poor thing doesn't move all that well. But, I kind of enjoy it because I can at least make fun of her and run away from her kicks for now. After helping her for a bit, I turn back to the boys. Dylan is making baby crying sounds and Caden is rocking the spiderman singing to him. I thought, wow these two may do pretty good with a baby. Then, Caden holds that baby up at Dylan and makes a peeing sound "D, Braden is peeing on your head". Emma gives me the Mom eyes "I told you to not tell them about that."

After getting everyone settled down we go to show the boys how we will give Braden a bath. I pull out the little tub and I tell Caden "Okay Tater, lets give Braden a bath. Show me how we bathe him." Caden gently takes Braden/Spiderman from my arms and places him upside down in the tub. He then gently prends to scoop water on him. Since he at least tried, we still get the poitnts for that one. Dylan asks Emma "Mom, how is Braden going to get out of your tummy?" Being the loving husband I am, I immediately start giggling like a schoolgirl and helpfully say "Yeah honey, I've always wondered how the babies come out." Emma then leans towards me and whispers "Keep it up and you'll wonder that for the rest of your very short and painful life". She then proceeds to tell the boys that the Dr takes the baby out from her tummy (lifting her shirt to show the boys her belly). Dylan, ever the skeptic says "But Mom, you don't have a scar from us, why is that?" "Because when mommies have babies, the scar goes away as their belly gets back to normal". Caden then asks Emma "Momma, why is daddys belly broken?" Emma and I look at each other quizzically. "What do you mean Caden?" Caden then lifts up his shirt "See, my button out, your button out, D's button out, but Dady's button in". During this, he walks over and lifts up my shirt to show my belly. Emily then gets a gleam in her eye "That's because your Daddy doesn't always listen to Mommy, and when people don't listen to mommy, their belly buttons go into their bellys." Oh, you are a fine foe Mrs. Roesler...

The next step in caring for a baby is entertainment. We took our children over to the baby bouncer. The baby bouncer is a chair in a wire frame that you can move up and down to create a rocking motion. "Okay tater, Braden wants to sit in his chair and bounce, show me how you do it". Caden puts spidey in the bouncer and even puts the little seat belt around him. He then proceeds to bounce the holy hell out of the bouncer, by this time the baby would have a serious case of whiplash. Before I can say anything, Dylan yells out "Caden, your doing it too fast, move let me show you how to do it!" Dylan then tries to slow down Cadens speed, in the process Caden looses his balance and falls onto the back of the bouncer (remember, this is basically a catapult waiting to happen) and launches Spidey up into the air and over the upstairs railing and down onto the 1st story. I look at both of them and Caden is the only one to speak "Oops, I torry, I go get Braden".

Oh dear God, what have I helped unleash upon this unsuspecting world? Please, don't be suprised if you see me on T.V one day "Police entered into a house in New Braunfels today on the reports of a infant hanging on a set of fan twirling fan blades with his diaper placed on his head. The father was found spinning around in his underwear yelling "I AM DON QUIXOTE, LET US RIDE SANCHO!" He is being held for psychiatric evaluation."

Who shall inherit the earth again?

We are all familiar with Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." (emphasis mine) I want to shout it loud and clear THEY GOT IT WRONG. Most authors place the Greek word praos in the scripture, and that would mean roughly meek. I say, the original text is NOT praos but gune. Yes, I know they look different, but hear me out.

Today after karate class I was eating dinner and the boys were taking their baths. All of a sudden I hear a 7 year old scream "CANNON BALL!!!" and then a THUD! SPLASH! and maniacal laugh. I then hear the 4 year old yell "CANNON BALL!!!" and then a thud, no splash and then crying. I get up, go into the bathroom and my naked 4 year old is lying on the tile crying. I notice no blood, no welts and he was awake so I brushed him off and put him in the bathtub. Walking back to finish my dinner, Emma just asks "He missed?" I said yep, and she went back to doing grades.

Later, I went to pull the heathens from the tub. In the doorway between the master bathroom and our room I have a chinup bar I use for exercising. The boys and I were playing around and I told them "Hey guy's watch this!" I then took a running start at the bar, grabbed it held on and flipped myself forward. That part worked well. What I didn't plan on in my little pea brain was the fact the boys had just finished a bath and the bathroom floor was wet. Do you know what the sound of a 260 lb man flying into a bathub makes? After the kids stopped laughing and the stars cleared from my head I got up and went along. My long suffering wife didn't even bother coming in to see if I was okay. She just stated "Did something stupid, huh?" I said yep. She said "Did it hurt?" I said yep. She said "Serves you right ding dong" and went back to doing grades.

Around 8, the boys decided they wanted a snack. I was looking around the cabinet and thought what can I give them? I saw honey in the cabinet and right next to it was a package of marshmallows. I mean marshmallows are good, honey is good so it goes to figure both together would make an uber-snack! The boys then ate the uber-snack with a gusto seen only in nature videos of a pack of hyenas. Thier need for a snack sated I read thier books to them, and then turned on noggin for them to watch tv for a little while. Emily looking up from her grades asks me "Did you feed the boys a snack?" I said yep. She asked "What did you feed them?" I said "Stuff I found in the cabinet". She then gave me the Mommy look "Jason, did you feed them that old bread we had in there!?" The fact that she had to even ask that should give you my gentle reader some insight to my mental decision making abilities. This stems from what I call the "Expirement on eating a grossly expired can of beans and weenies". After a few days of intestinal distress, I have a healthy respect for expiration dates. But, I digress. I replied back to Emma "No hon, I didn't give them moldy bread" If looks could kill, I would be drawn and quartered. "What then, dear husband did you feed our kids?" I knew at that point there was no going back. I had made another mistake. "Well, you see the boys were starving after Karate and playing, so I wanted to give them something to boost their energy. I saw some honey, and poured it over marshmallows for them to eat." My wife made a face that I have only seen in a snake as it swallows a small rodent. "Oh dear God Jason. You just fed the boys concentrated sugar before bed. I ask you to watch the boys 1 night while I do grades. You know they will be wired!"

I then tried to explain to her that the view that sugar makes children wild is a misnomer. I started bringing up all sorts of valid medical studies as to why sugar doesn't make a child crazy. At that point my 4 year old comes streaking out of his room running as fast as his little legs can. On his back is a superman cape and he's wearing a spiderman mask. He stops in the middle of the tv room, does a side-kick, yells "HIYA" and runs off back into his room. My wife just smiles coldly at me (kind of like a lion does before it eats a wildebeest) and says "They are yours tonight dear!" Well, suffice it to say, it's now around 10:00 and the kids still aren't in bed. But, there is a definite slow down in that room. I think the natives are starting to tire, the sugar has now burned it's way through their systems. YAY, here comes the sugar crash. Oh man, am I dead...

And, back to the beginning gune is greek for wife/woman. They have to inherit the earth, because us men are too stupid to do anything without them. If we didn't have women to keep us in check, this world would be a huge mess.

Oh, and guys, don't EVER feed your children honey and marshmallows before bed. It makes your wife angry. And when momma ain't happy, no one is happy.

Hmm, I wonder how much Benadryl it takes to put a 40 lb 7 year old to bed? "EMMA........"

It's the evidence, stupid!

It's something I've heard many times over from people. "Give me hard evidence, hell give me good circumstantial evidence and I will have more belief in YOUR God." After hearing it for the nth time a few years ago I sat down for a few weeks and started crafting my own counter to this often heard argument. Over the years, i've pruned and tightened the argument to where I'm fairly happy with it. Please, feel free to poke holes or add your thoughts to this.

Monday night I ate a healthy choice spaghetti dinner (like that's actually a dinner, but I digress)... Since trash comes on Tuesday the container and all remains from my dinner are gone. I happened to purchase that meal using cash, and I have no idea where the receipt is. My family was in the living room when I scarfed down the food so they did not see me eat the dinner. And, on a more personal and scientific note all traces of the food have either been used or passed through my system. I cannot in any way prove I had that healthy choice for dinner to a skeptical person. Yet, my own personal experience of eating the dinner is the only thing that remains of that food. Since I cannot prove I ate the dinner, does that mean I didn't eat it?

Lets go one further with a related example. Say I am home alone one night watching television when I hear a bang, scream and a shot outside my door. I run out through the door and I find a neighbor laying in a pool of blood on my porch with a still warm gun on his chest. On the side, I see a person running away wearing khaki shorts and a white t-shirt. I toss the gun on the sidewalk, and try to help the man as he is bleeding on my porch to save his life. I try my best, but fail at helping him. By this time, about 10 minutes have passed, I am covered in my neighbors blood and the police come screaming around the corner. Not knowing the situation, they take me aside of the scene and start questioning me.

At the same time other police officers begin canvassing the neighborhood seeing if any of my neighbors may have seen anything. After a marathon of questioning by police, and speaking to all of my surrounding neighbors I am arrested for attempted murder of my neighbor. Preparing for my hearing, I am given the following sheet from the DA outlining why I was arrested for my neighbors murder.

1. Speaking to two sets of my neibhors they find that I have had a few vocal arguments with this neighbor before about his boat in the way of my car and his dogs barking all of the time. I have stated on a few occasions to them in passing that I don't like him at all.
2. A neighbor who was getting home from work saw a man wearing khaki shorts and a white t-shirt shoot my neighbor. When the police found me at the scene, I was wearing khaki shorts and a white t-shirt covered with blood.
3. My fingerprints were found on the gun.
   
4. I have no witnesses placing me inside my home during the time of the shooting.
5. When I found my neighbor on my front porch, I never phoned 911 to report a shooting or an ambulance. The neighbors called 911.

Wow, I'm screwed aren't I? Every piece of evidence shows that I shot and killed my neighbor. The only other people who know I didn't shoot him are my deceased neighbor and the actual killer who is no where to be found. In this case, my recalled memory and experience are correct, even though the evidence says otherwise.

The examples above can usually turn a debate into the question of what truly is Evidence? Many people will then go on the line of stating that for evidence to be true in a rational way then it must be able to be repeated. Ahh, the basis of Science, repeatable experiments and the argument of rationality! Lets take a look at an average human, and "rational" thinking using the Scientific definition of evidence for a minute. Is it rational for me to believe that when I wake up tomorrow (a cloudless day) that when I go outside I will be able to see the sun? According the Scientific rules of evidence in order to make a valid hypothesis I must be able ot repeat the experiment continuously and get the same results. Yet, I have no evidence that the sun will rise tomorrow. I can use Inductive reasoning to assume the sun will rise tomorrow, but I cannot prove it. So I lack evidence for a belief, does that make it irrational?

When it comes to evidence, we all filter the available information through our own life experiences and personal biases. Two people can see the same thing, yet get have a totally different perspective on the event. Lets imagine a scene in which a white haired gentleman is walking in the park holding the hand of a little girl. If I were to see this scene, my internal biases would assume that man is her Grandfather. But, what do you think someone who was raised by a prematurely grey haired father to think? We both saw the same scene, and were given the same evidence but we came to difference conlusions due to our biases. It could be one of us is right, and the other is wrong. Yet, maybe if we asked the man we would find out he's actually her great-uncle, or a day-care worker.

If someone's mind is made up on any subject, it doesn't matter what "Evidence" you give that person. If their own internal biases are very strong, they will reject any evidence that threatens their world view. I am one who takes my own medicine though, and I try my best to look at evidence or a situaiton with as open mind as I can. I'm sure I fail quite often, i'm only human. Look at Thomas. He was there during Jesus's walk on earth, he saw many miracles. Yet, he still needed more proof after the resurection when others didn't. We all too often treat God like a sideshow pony, asking him to do tricks to prove himself to us.

Oh God, i'd believe in you if you'd only make this chair levitate in the air. If your God was real, he'd heal every blind persons sight, etc, ad-nauseum. For some, even if God came down and wiggled on their face they'd find a way to rationalize thier way out of it. If your open, and if you truly want the truth, you will find it. God has it there for all to see, you just have to want to see it.

Sophia, Aletheia & Theognosia (wisdom, truth & knowing God)

Tonight's post comes courtesy of Dylan. While watching a commercial for some new toy Caden told Emily and I that is the toy he wanted from Santa for Christmas (along with every OTHER toy advertised on Television). Dylan then pipes up "Just ask Mom and Dad, they are the ones who get stuff". That comment made Emily and I pause and take a second look at each other and Dylan. For better or worse, we let our kids believe in Santa Claus. I pulled Dylan aside and started asking him questions. "What do you mean we buy the presents? Do you mean we buy them for Santa to give you?" I asked him. "No, Santa isn't real Dad". I asked him if anyone had told him that at school, or where he got that idea. He told me it makes sense, that he has been thinking about it and he doesn't see how Santa can be real. No one told him about it, he thought about it on his own. I then asked him what he thought about the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc. His response was the same "Those are you and mommy, they aren't real".

There are times in which as a parent you don't really quite know what to say or do. I didn't push the subject any futher and I told him to keep thinking about it. As a parent, you know the day will come in which your child starts to question the world around them, the why's, how's and what's of life. We have already had the talk of why some people are poor and suffer, while others don't. He wasn't satisfied with my answer on that one, and responded with the type of knowledge only a child can have. "Well Dad, if we all are rich, and they are poor why don't we go and give our things to them so they can have more and not be so poor?" At that point, a good retort wasn't coming up to my mind. I couldn't use "Well, would you be willing to give up your toys to others?" Because he doesn't like toys. He doesn't collect Gi-Joes, or transformers, etc. Besides, how do you respond to a child's retort when in the end they are correct?

I see so much of my thought process in him, and in many ways it swells my chest with pride. But, in others it kind of makes me a bit scared and sad. I'll be honest here folks, I am not a person in which faith comes to easily. It's something I have to work hard, day by day to keep and grow. I have more then my share of doubts, I will freely admit it. I strive to one day have the kind of faith that I no longer question it. I don't know if I will ever get there, but I won't stop trying.

I do have my days in which I wonder if I am kidding myself about faith. Trying to shoehorn myself into a belief of God in order to blind myself to the inevitability of life. Why follow a God that I have no concrete proof in? But, like all other things I don't let thoughts in my mind go unanswered. Whenever I do question, I then work out WHY do I believe and WHY do I have faith. I always end up answering my questions and I keep on trucking. I am finding as time goes on the frequency of those questions are diminishing. One good thing about my constant questioning is it allows me a clearer view into WHY I have faith.

I try to keep most questions like those to myself because i've found that many times me asking those questions make people uneasy. I guess either the same questions don't come up for them or they have the ability to shut those questions out of their mind. I don't have the ability to do either. I wish I could duck those hard questions, because I still struggle with many even today (and I feel I will be struggling with them for a long time to come). I think the fact that I question my faith so much is why I love the field of apologetics. Since i've been on the other side of the "fence" and I even deal with those questions now makes it a little easier for me to answer those harder questions from people when they ask them.

Over the next week I am going to be posting my thoughts on some of the harder questions that I have either asked myself or been asked by others. Please feel free to add your thoughts and comments on the topics.

I will close the post as I opened it, with a bit of Greek.

ho de anexetastos bios ou biôtos anthrôpôi - Socrates

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

One Sheep, two sheep, three sheep

So, the clock is ticking, and 12:20 keeps blinking at my eyes. Sleep is useless as I have this story that keeps revolving around my head. I'm giving in tonight, and instead of wasting time tossing and turning I'm going to go ahead and write it. Please excuse any formatting or grammatical errors. I'll spend some time this weekend cleaning it up but I can at least write it and get it out of my head so I can hopefully sleep.
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Angie was a shy, mousy 22 year old Business Analyst living in Lexington, Ky. Life was normal for Angie, work Monday – Friday a few close friends but no real love life to speak of. Angie seemed just fine with her romantic life, or lack-thereof. Her days were spent with the real love of her life, her little one, Charlie. He was a pistol, full of life and mischief as all males are. He’d rather play in the mud, run around and have fun then take a bath. Charlie reciprocated Angie’s love fully and when he wasn’t to busy playing, he loved her hugs and kisses.

On a particularly nice Sunday morning Angie decided to go spend a day at the park and let Charlie play with his friends while she sat on the grass and enjoyed the spring day. “Come on Charlie, hurry up lets go to the park already”, Angie yelled while putting their lunch into the car. Charlie didn’t have to be told twice; he stopped what he was doing and ran to the front door. Charlie explored the park with his friends, playing games and having fun. His favorite part was running back and forth through the small stream, enjoying the cool water and the mud on his feet. The day went by fast, and it was getting late as Angie got Charlie and they headed back home. “Aww, Charlie did you have to get that muddy? Your covered all over in mud, getting my car muddy and it’s all in your hair.” Angie wasn’t looking forward to the mess he would make in the bath getting all of that mud from his body.

Angie’s life stays the same, work, go out with friends, but always back home to spend time with Charlie. There were times when work and life got too much for Angie, and she would come home tired and defeated. During those times it seemed like Charlie had a sixth-sense for her feelings and knew the right things to do. Instead of bothering her for dinner or to go play he would gently sit in her lap and just let Angie hold him. There were times when Angie would bury her face into Charlie’s little neck and let the tears fall from her face while she hugged him fiercely. Charlie didn’t care about her job, how many friends she had or anything else. In his eyes, she was the most important thing in the universe and he loved her with every fiber of his being. It was that love that was Angie’s bedrock, and what helped her to keep going when times got rough.

On Saturday Angie was busy tidying up the house and doing chores. It was too nice of a day to play inside and Charlie was causing a ruckus in the house. Angie had just finished cleaning the floors when Charlie knocked over a flowerpot and it broke all over the floor. Angie yelled, “Dammit Charlie, can’t you see I’m cleaning the house? I just spent an hour picking up and now I have to start over again. Look, just go outside and play for a while I can’t have you in here messing everything up right behind me!” Charlie was upset at getting yelled at, but as Angie let him out the front door he forgot about the scolding and focused on playing. Angie continued cleaning the house while Charlie played outside. It had rained a decent amount that day, so there were plenty of puddles for Charlie to jump around and play in. After Angie was done, she felt guilty for yelling at Charlie in frustration. She decided to fix him a special dinner, her way of saying sorry. After she was done preparing the meal, she went outside to call Charlie in for dinner. She watched him for a while, playing with the exuberance that only the young have. They seem to be able to have fun with the smallest of things and the joy they express is so very pure.

“Charlie, it’s dinner time, come on!” As soon as Charlie heard her, he turned around and ran back to the house. As he was running across the street he heard a loud sound and Angie screamed “NO CHARLIE, NO!” But it was too late, because of the wet roads, the driver’s breaks were not effective in stopping the car in time. As the car hit Charlie’s small body, he was thrown to the ground. Time seemed to stop for Angie as the wreck happened in slow motion. Without hesitation Annie sprinted to where Charlie laid crumpled in a small heap on the road. While Angie was running to him all Charlie could think about was getting back home. His little body, wracked with pain as he struggled to inch his way towards Angie, towards home, towards safety. He didn’t quite comprehend why he hurt so bad, he just knew if he made it to Angie everything would be alright. He willed his little legs to move, but they wouldn’t. His breaths came in short gasps as his little lungs struggled against the unyielding bone pushing against them. Angie ran up to Charlie and cradled his head in her arms, rocking him gently, slowly.

Tears streaming down her cheeks she looked up at the driver as he rushed out of the car. “Oh my God lady, I didn’t see him, he came out of nowhere! Look, let’s get him in the car and get him help.” Josh helped Angie lift Charlie into the back seat of the car as they rushed him to get help. Every bump in the ride sent fresh waves of pain into Charlie’s body. As he lay whimpering in pain he looked up at Angie as she gently cradled his head and she began to sing softly “Sleep, baby, sleep,Your mother shakes the dreamland tree,And from it fall sweet dreams for thee Sleep, baby, sleep,Sleep, baby, sleep” With the loving caress from Angie and the sweet melody of her song he closed his eyes.

Years pass as they always do, summer turns to fall and time keeps marching on. Due to the accident, Josh and Angie bonded and love blossomed from the pain. They got married, and in fact they were on their way home, bringing their new son Brandon home from the hospital. As Josh turns down the road to their house he tells Angie to wait in the car, because he has to get the walker ready before they get in the house. “Do you think everything will work out?” Angie asks Josh. “Sure honey, I don’t think there will be a problem at all.” Josh runs into the house and walks into the bedroom and pulls out a small metal frame with two wheels on the bottom. As he unzips the Velcro of the frame he hears a furious barking and whining from the back room. He hurries with the metal frame into the back room. There, he sees a dog furiously excited, trying to wag his tail and get up to greet him. But, the dogs legs are fused, and his tail cannot wag due to a spinal injury. He gently lifts the old dog into the harness, and then says “Come on Charlie, lets go meet your baby brother”.

The tomes of life

So, I'm about to weird y'all out again (hooray!) God blessed me with an overactive imagination. The other night was one of those nights. For some reason, I could not sleep and I tossed and turned through the night. My mind was like a beehive, jumping around all over the place. I tried meditating, but even that last bastion of calm eluded me. When I noticed the clock blinking 12:45 I knew it was uselsess to sleep at that time. I put on my headphones, set my song book to random and just listened. My mind started slowing down, and I was able to start focusing on one thing at a time. I then started writing down whatever I was thinking, random thoughts scribbled on paper. I then was able to sleep for a few hours at least. When I woke up the next day I looked at the computer screen to what I had written down. I noticed some lines in it that really jumped out at me.

I worked for a while last night to organize them and put them in a sort of readable format. You can't call it a poem, nor a song. I don't know what to really call it but a collection.

It’s cold outside, as I’m waiting here for the night. I am falling and I crawl back in my shell; so weak, so beaten. All that I wanted, all that I ever I thought I could be should be laid in your hands. I never thought that I would take it back, now I don’t want to. When the journey started, when I knew I’d make it home. I was all for trying, till the path that lead me wrong became clear. I am lost in my dreams and lies, I need someone to heal me. Then I heard the warning, and I knew what was to come soon. I try to stay awake, yet all along my darker days are still to come. The unseen is closing fast and what was once clean destroyed by things that never last. But I can’t escape it, and everything I see I just don’t know. I’m crawling with fever, I’m sinking in deeper I need to find my way back. But inside, the fear is burning my mind; the last goodbye, sleep tight.

Deep inside, the thought embraces my mind. You paid the price for our lives, yet we still insist to take our own way. You’re lying here by my side, and the pain inside will subside. You just want to give your universe, all you gave and all you found. No one can heal me, but by faith alone in Christ. Your outstretched hand reaches through my walls, breaking them down. You see through the smoke and love me unforgivingly even when I don't. Through your grace and love, I am forgiven and saved despite myself.


Please don't think i'm some kind of suffering emo waiting to go in my corner and have the gnashing of teeth. These were just thoughts and themes running through my mind late at night.

I said before this blog is a totally free and uncensored look into the depths of the abyss of my mind. This is me folks, warts and all.

Guess that number!

In 2000 I was chewing some hard ice (Bad habit, I know). And I felt my top back right molar crack and pain shot in my head. At the time Emma and I were newly married and we had just found out we were pregnant. We didn't have the money to pay for a fix, but with teeth you have to. So, I shopped around and found the cheapest dentist I could, some fly by night operation out by Randolph. The dentist ground the tooth out and put a cap on it.

Flash forward to 2005 and that tooth started hurting AGAIN. We were in a better position financially so I went to a reputable dentist in San Antonio. He said i'd have to have a root canal done on the tooth. So, I have a root canal done on the tooth, new cap, the works. 2006 rolls by and the darn tooth starts to hurt AGAIN. So, I go back to the dentist and he says I need an apicoectomy. I go in, he cuts through my gums, performs the procedure and I thought I was good to go. At the same time, I had a bump on the roof of my mouth and he wanted to try some new test on me. He performed the test, and said I may have cancer in my mouth. Great I thought I had just beaten death from Congestive Heart Failure a few years ago and some wierd kind of cancer is gonna take me. I go to a oral surgeon in San Antonio and he says it doesn't look like any kind of cancer he's ever seen. It's just a bump, don't worry about it. This is my life, so I bug him untill he does a biopsy. It comes back normal cells.

Feb 2007, the bleeping tooth starts hurting again. This time, I decide I am NOT going back to the same dentist so I go to a endontist here in New Braunfels after the mess i've had with the SA dentist. He takes one look at my x-ray's and his eyes get big. He said it looks like I took a shot in the face from a shotgun. I had Gutta Purcha everywhere in my mouth. I also sitll had an infection in that tooth. So, he does another apicoectomy on that tooth hoping to save it. He tells me it may not work, but he's hopeful. I went back in on April of this year and he saw in my X-Rays another root from this tooth, but instead of terminating in my jaw, the sucker goes all the way up into the palate of my mouth. He said everything looked okay though.

Fast forward to a week ago and I notice a squishy lump over that tooth on my gum. I push on it and it pops. For anyone who's never had a tooth infection, that's what they produce when you have an infection in the roots of your teeth. Hoping it was just a one off, I leave it alone. Well, today Mr. bubble came back and popped again. So, i'm going to call my Endontist the first thing in the morning.

Here is the thing, over the past 8 years i've spent (are you sitting down) over $7,500 on this ONE DAMN TOOTH!! And here it is, still screwed up. I'm thinking tomorrow I will have 2 options pull the tooth and get a bridge or put in a dental implant. Due to the screwup of the SA dentist, I may not have enough good bone left to do a implant without a bone graft. On top of all this, because of that one wayward root I may have to go to a Maxio-Facial surgeon to get that thing removed. So, in the worst case this one tooth will cost me approximately $15,000 in the end due to my retarted mouth. I guess i'll find out tomorrow if I will have a tooth worth the price of most used cars.

Luckily, through my work dental plan and our own savings we can cover it without a problem, although i'd rather spend the money on something else! But, what if we weren't in the place to cover financially something like this? Most Americans aren't in as lucky of a position. Kind of makes me wonder what we have done to ourselves to price out needed help in a range out of the reach of most people. What if my wife and I didn't have the jobs we do? What if we were just barely making it. What would we do to get this fixed? It may not as simple as pulling the tooth because of that wayward root.

I've been one against universal healthcare most of my adult life. But, sitting here thinking about it, i'm not quite so sure anymore. Can we as a society afford of have people suffering ailments that can be addressed if it wasn't for the money issue? I'm just not so sure anymore.

I'll update yall tomorrow on the trials of the tooth.

The ties that bind

For anyone who knows me fairly well they know I spend 99% of my time enjoying life, having fun and not letting things get me down. I truly enjoy life and I am oh so grateful to the Lord for all of the undeserved blessings he has given me. But, there are times in which reality kind of creeps into life and sets me on a maudlin path. It's usually something fairly strange and seemingly unrelated that will bring something like that to the forefront. Tonight is one of those nights. I have no idea who will be reading this, but I promised myself if anything this blog would be a truthful look into my life.

Tonight, I was sitting down in my boys room playing crazy 8's with my sons. I had just lost the 1,000th straight hand to a 6 and 4 year old. Dylan then looks up at me out of the blue and asks me "Dad, where is your Dad? Why have we never gotten to meet him?" That question startled me, and I didn't have a good response. I told him it's complicated, and I'd explain it to him when he's older. He seemed to take that answer and move on. But, his question derailed me for the rest of the night. How do you explain to a 6 year old why his grandfather has never met him? Not because of death, but because he chooses not to? Hell, I still don't even understand it myself and i'm 31, much less trying to explain it to a 1st grader.

Growing up I have to say I had a rocky relationship at best with my father the short time I did live with him. Through infidelity and constant lying my parents divorced when I was a child. After he left, he'd call me once a year on my birthday. I remember in middle school when he came to visit me once. He took me out to go eat at some restaurant and would only talk about how happy he is in life, how good his life is, etc. I didn't quite understand why at the time but it made me very angry. I remember complaining to him that I felt really sick, and I needed to go back home. That visit lasted a day, he then went back to Florida. Communication stopped then, untill I was a freshman in college I tried my best to re-connect with the man. We talked much more often and I thought we were starting to get closer.

I decided at that point to take a semester off of college and go to Florida and live with him and start up at FSU the following fall. That was a huge mistake. I lasted there about 30 days before he kicked me out of his house. Was I a drunk? Nope, didn't drink. Was I taking drugs? I can honestly say i've never done drugs. Was I stealing? No, I was working night shift at a convience store to make my own way. He didn't explain to me why he wanted me gone, he just wanted me gone. Here I was, his own son trying his best to make a relationship with his biological father. I still remember the day, sitting there opened mouth while he screamed at me to get the F out, and never come back.

I then went back to Corpus, enrolled back in TAMUCC and decided I was not going to turn into my father. Other then a stint in the military, the man never held down a job in his life. I didn't want to be like that, I wanted to be sucessful in life. Also, 1 month later I met this girl online. She was a girl I had met once on a blind date between our two best friends about 2 years ago. At the time, I didn't notice her and she didn't notice me (I was a senior in high school, she was a freshman at another school). She remembered my screename though for some reason and we started talking online. We had our first date January 1, 1997. We married 3 years later.

When our first son Dylan was born, I felt the pride all new fathers feel in their children. Here was a life, that I helped make that looks up to me to protect, love and nuture him. From the moment I laid eyes on his small body, I knew I would move hell and earth for this child. It made even more clear to me what I had to do in life to ensure my son would never know what it was like to have an indifferent parent. Indifference is the hardest part to understand for me. With hatred, there has to be thought in order to hate. With indifference, it's a abyss.

I can't say that I spend my life wondering, trying to figure out why my father is indifferent to me. I enjoy life too much for that. But, i'd be lying if I didn't say there are times, like tonight when I think for a while about it. I can say I don't understand it, especially now as a parent of my own children.

I do look at the positive aspects of my experience is that through his examples he taught me everything I didn't want to be in life. I think it made me a better father, better husband and better person all around. It's sometimes through the adversity that God is able to show us our true inner strength. I had a mother that put everything aside to make sure I knew I was loved. She went out of her way to give me as normal of a life as possible. I know without God and her guiding and loving influence I would also not be the man I am today. I also have a wonderful wife, and two (soon to be 3) great boys. I am not missing in my life, and I don't regret a thing.

Do I hate my father? No, I don't. Have I forgiven him for the things he's done? Partially, but not fully. There are things that I still will hold back, that maybe someday i'll be able to talk about; but not now. Will I try to contact him? No. I've tried it 4 times, each time I ended up getting hurt worse for it. If he finds me (i'm not hiding) i'll talk with him, but I will keep my children away from him.

Christianity lite, less filling, feels great!

As someone who enjoys asking and thinking about the tough questions, this is one that I have spent many late nights thinking. Sadly, the vast majority of Christians known bits, pieces and portions of the bible. It may surprise many people who know me that my first reading of the bible was as an atheist in my late teens. I read it because I was tired of nosy Christians always spouting text at me. I've always been one to study anything before I go out and form an opinion on it. So, I read it in order to better debate people. No, nothing magical happened when I first read the bible, no blinding lights or knowledge of God.

One of the biggest pitfalls I see new Christians alight in Gods fire is trying to belly up to the apologetic scene. They may know the key verses by heart, and have probably sat through some classes (way of the master, yadda, yadda, yadda.) They then go either face to face or online to a den of "heathens" and start witnessing to the unwashed masses. Once there the new Christian finds people who do not share their worldview and begin at picking holes in the new Christians world view. Sadly, the vast majority of these Christians just are not prepared to go into a situaiton like that.

Hey Mr. Christian, didn't you know God is a mass murderer and rapist? Look at Numbers 31:17, Judges 21:20-23, Deuteronomy 13:12-18, Deuteronomy 20:10-14, 2 Chronicles 15: 12-13! So super Christian, why should I follow a God that would just as likely kill me as look at me? What of this love you spout from Jesus's words? Did you just skip over or close your eyes on Matthew 10:34-35, Matthew 13:49-50, Matthew 23:33? Why would I believe in a God I can't see, touch or hear? You sit there and rant about how can I be so close minded to not belive in God!? Yet, of the thousands of God's out there, you only believe in 1. I just take it one step further and believe in none. So Christian, where is your evidence? You quote scriptures from a book you barely know, and you expect me to take that book with authority to boot! Why would I live my life in 200X the way stone age savages did 4,000 years ago? Do you know that you live in a world of cognitive dissonance? The chink in the armor then begins to grow. Doubt now sets in to a person who probably has lived their whole life with belief. They went to Chruch every Sunday, tithed and went to bible study. Heck, one time I even gave a homeless guy $10 and brought my friend to church.

You may be saying to yourself "Man, this Jason is nuts, he is sitting here attacking his own faith!" It's true, I am probably harder on my fellow Christians then I ever am with a Atheist. Why? Because the Christian should truly understand what they are professing to believe. I've been approached by fellow Christians asking me to not talk about subjects like this an others because my questions and thoughts may lead another to doubt or destroy their faith. I've never fully understood that viewpoint myself. What use is faith in God if that faith cannot be defended? Is it really faith if a person walks a path that they don't understand, don't question and don't know the hard questions? If we coddle people at church, will the world around them coddle them? What happens when that person of "light faith" encounters someone who's hobby is debating with theists? Yes, they are out there I know, I was one of them for quite a few years.

Instead of swaddling our fellow believers in blankets, why don't we arm them with knowledge? Talk about the tough questions of faith, the genocide, the evidence (or lack thereof), the sexism, double standards, etc? Instead of viewing it as breaking a persons faith, lets instead look at it as tightening their spiritual armor and giving them a faith worth defending instead of this "Christianity Lite" garbage.

I apologize if this post sounds a bit nasty; but for me I feel it's one of the biggest problems in Christianity today.

Tony Horton, P90X part..Oh My Word, I have muscles THERE!?

So, today marks the 30 day anniversary of my 90 day experience of P90x. I decided to write this post as I am currently moving like an aged 80 year old man. Today I did the CardioX 45 minute workout, then went out and ran 2 1/2 miles. I then came back in and did the Xstreatch routine. The only place that currently doesn't hurt are my fingers. In the past 30 day's I have lost 2 belt holes, my shorts fall off without a belt and my shirts are fitting me really loose. And I've lost about 15 lbs. On one hand I cannot wait to see what will come in the next 60 days. On the other, I don't look forward to the soreness, tiredness and hunger. For the past 5 years I've either run or cycled 5 or 6 days a week. 10K, 5K runs? Done them. Century and half century rides? Done them. But never in my life have I worked as hard to muscle exhaustion with sweat covering me like I took a bath. P90X takes you to your exhaustion point, and then shoves you further.

The whole time you see Tony Horton's face blabbering about this, that or the other. Sometimes such as with the Polymeric video when I'm ready to give up I keep going because (I know this is silly) I don't want to give him the satisfaction of beating me into the ground. One part of my personality that has served me well most of my life is the drive to never stop and never give up. It's the same drive that lead me 5 years ago while dying from heart failure and being 350 lbs. It drove me to change my life and keep going. Somewhere, about 4 years ago I entered into autopilot. I dropped off the 100 lbs, and kept exercising. But, I lost that spark to take the final drive for the last 50 lbs. On a total lark I decided to buy P90X and do something different. This has been the spark that I needed to finish what I started 5 years ago. I'm eating right again, no longer drinking sugar cokes and if I eat out I eat small healthy portions, no fried foods, etc.

P90X is a chapter taken from a masochist handbook I think sometimes. It's hard folks, while I freely admit I carry around 50 extra pounds, cardio wise I have been in great shape. P90X though brings together moving in ways you don't normally move and weight training along with the cardio. Some of the most challenging workouts for me are not the CardioX, Polymetrics (this is a bear but bearable) or the karate. It's the core workouts, the 100+ pushups in the chest workouts. It's seeing my sad attempts at pullups and twisting myself into a pretsel in the Yoga workouts.

In the end, even if I don't loose the 50 lbs by the end of the 90 days, I will then just restart the program untill it's gone. Afterwards I have decided to join my sons Karate Dojo and get my blackbelt in Soryu Karate (Yes start in my 30's I am crazy).

So Tony; if in some weird way you are reading this, Thank You. Oh, and also $#*^(#@$@#@$@ for making me so daggum sore for so long! Oh, and after writing this my fingers are now sore. So thanks Tony I now hurt in 100% of my body. How in the hell did you make it so even my durn eyelids hurt!?!

See you back in the workout room tomorrow, okay?

Followup to the Cussing Conundrum

Great questions folks, instead of replying in the responses, i'd like to reply with another post.

Different people are offended by different things. So it's a line we all walk using any words. Am I overexaggerating? I know people who are offended by the word hello. Because it contains the root hell. Instead we should be saying heaveno. We are always at a risk for offending people because we all have different standards of what's acceptable.

But the deeper question still stands WHY did society pick that particular word to not be acceptable? Then, what factors then make the word acceptable at a later date. As I stated before words we say in common usage now were taboo 300-400 years ago. Or, even still gestures differ by location. I can hold my index and middle finger together and wiggle them in a come here motion at church and very few if anyone would be offended. Yet in England, that's the same thing as giving someone the bird.

In England, they use the term bloody as a generic cuss word. Yet, for an American you can say Bloody and it's not deemed innapropriate. A new up and coming word is Frak. It's used on television and elsewhere as a replacement for the other F word. So, in 50 years will Frak be as bad as the other F word? Before this if I stubbed my toe in church as said frak would you even turn an eye? I know you would if I said the other F word. But yet, in a company of sailors I could say the F word and no one would turn a cheek. So does that still make the F word bad overall? Or just bad in certain sub-cultures? In the middle ages the word silly meant holy. Heck, 40 years ago the word Fag was used for a cigarette or for a burning stick.

I'm not looking to rationalize mine or others behavior. I am asking the questions to see WHY we view certain things as inappropriate. A secondary question would also be who decides if something is inappropriate? Is it always the person with the most restrictive view? Or, is it a numbers game and if X number of people view it as inapporpriate then it would be considered bad?

The cussing condundrum

A question I have been thinking about for a few days is the question of cussing. This is not to be confused with cursing. Yes, they are different. Cussing is to say a socially "inappropriate" word in general use. Cursing is to either insult another person or to insult God.

Words are but devices we use to convey meaning. Truly what is the difference when you stub your toe and say shoot, fiddlesticks or sh__? Don't they all convey the same meaning of surprise? It's just the combination of letters are different.

Why is the word sh__ labeled as foul by some? Why is that word bad in your mind, truthfully? Is it bad just because you were told it's bad? A words foulness depends upon the customs of the group you are around. Some people are raised saying sh__ is no different then saying darn, shoot, etc. So, is one of our worldviews correct and the other wrong? Or are both of the views correct and dependent upon the mores of ones subgroup.

The words themselves are harmless, its the context as to which its used. I personally find no issues with foul language, as long as it's not used to demean or hurt another person. I DO have a problem with foul or non-foul language when it's used to hurt.

I do though understand that not all people share my personal view of foul language. That's why unless I know it doesn't bother that person I won't use those words. It's simply being polite to others and their own world views.

But, the deeper question remains for me what MAKES those particular words taboo? If I were to say Gadzooks would you feel that's an offensive cuss word? Probably not. I could say that in mixed company and people would be none the wiser. If I were to say the same word in the 1600's people would be shocked and appalled. If you look into the history of the word, Gadzooks originally meant God's Hooks (referred to Christs crucifixion).

Makes you kind of stop and think, what's really in a word?

'Cause you gotta have faith.

I said in my last post I was going to discuss abortion, I will still discuss the issue, but I have not finished researching and putting my thoughts to paper. I will keep working on it and post it at a later date. For now, I wanted to explain a little bit as to why I do have faith in God.

Most of my life I spent working on the rational and orderly portions of my mind. Science, history, math, etc. You take a stenohaline species of fish like a Largemouth Bass, put it in salwater and it dies. Heck, you memorize those facts, your good to go. You can even analyze why it happens by looking at the cells, seeing how the salt draws the moisture from them and watch the cells as they go under lysis. But, I never spent time thinking about the things that you could not touch, hold or analyze. Things such as emotions, God and why people do things that are totally against common sense, drinking and driving, etc. I was comfortable in my own little world, everything was ordered and neat. But, my wife got me to start trying to broaden my horizons and think about the things that had no clear cut answer. I then started to realize that everything I assumed were facts I held so dearly and true were not necessarily facts, but opinions with dogmatic views behind them. You can take two very educated people, who have differing stances on a belief; guns for example. They can both debate on the issue, and bring up verifiable facts as to why each is right. Yet, each person in turn, is able to reason in their own world view that the opposing persons facts do not imply what they say. It was then I started to realize not everything had a black and white answer, but a lot depended on the world view of the persons interpretation of them.

Then out of curiosity and gentle prodding from my wife I started researching this whole God thing. I started to think that maybe all of the facts I had against the existence of God, may be there only because I refused to listen to anyone else's interpretation of their world view.
Instead of looking at a human life as a collection of cells, I started seeing the breathtaking wonder of a child growing. Instead of a blastocyst I saw something that was going to go under awesome changes over the next few months. From a few cells, we grow into an amazing organism that can think, love, hate and wonder. Science could answer me the specifics of what happens during each stage of development. But, it couldn't answer why? Why does it happen that way, why are we here. I know it may sound kinda flaky, but if you just stop and think about how unbelievably complex life is, it's staggering. And yes, I am a theistic evolutionist, we can discuss more on that later. For me, it just makes even more sense, as God would start the chain reaction so everything to go in a way that results in the outcome he wanted, us. It doesn't matter to me whether we started out as a simian species, a lizard or a newt. We are here, and we are at the points God designed for us to be at.

I couldn't wrap my mind that it was all a lottery game. For me, I wasn't comfortable stating that life is here because of a cosmic roll of the dice. That all the parameters for life as we know it lay on a razors edge. A lot of crazy things have happened in my life, some would call it chance, but yet if each of those things hadn't of happened (good or bad) I wouldn't be the person I am now, I wouldn't be where I am. I cannot accept that it's all just a chance and that there isn't a higher power that created all of this wonderful life. Besides, I am too horrible at gambling to believe i'd ever be on the good side of chance

Instead of trying to view everything in duality, I started looking for things in a plurality. I started realizing that science is great at answering facts, but it really sucks at answering the whys. And I started shifting my focus onto the why questions. I could no longer feel comfortable just spouting out numbers, studies, etc. I wanted to find if I could a base reason for the universe. Science cannot even come close to answering those questions. Science and religion for me don't really mix in that they each tell different sides of life. Science tells us the mechanics of life and cold hard facts and religion tells us the emotions, and the root singular cause. It's not just making sense of favorable coincidences, it's just realizing that each area has their own place. I was trying to make science do something it wasn't designed to do. Once I realized that I had a dogmatic view of science, it's when I started searching outside of science.

For instance, take falling in love for an example. Science can tell us the hormonal changes the increased brain activity in certain areas, increased heart rate, etc. But yet for all of those cold details, it can't tell us what love is to each of us. While everyone falls in love, it's amazing that while we can all share common themes, it is different for each one of us. I cannot explain the feelings you have when you smile thinking about your loved one. All it can give you are the effects, not the causes. It can probably tell you the muscles involved, and the sectors of the brain. But take all those facts and they pale to the feelings YOU get when you are in love. We are emotional creatures and when we only focus on the rational parts of our psyche we suffer. And if we only focus on the emotional side, that causes problems as well. When we don't balance out our lives, we miss out the TRUE joys of being alive.

The devil's in the context

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32

Seems like a simple passage, short and easy to understand, right? Yet, with these 12 words lie in a gulf of differences in Christianity itself. People much smarter then me have tried to figure out what truth is since men could use words. Truth has such a simple seeming definition, yet the ideological differences as to what truth means is sometimes a matter of life and death.

Try this little experiment with the people around you. Ask them "Is it always best to be truthful"? Chances are, most people will give you an emphatic yes.

We have many scriptural references pointing to the idea that truth is always the best choice.

The king said to him, "How many times must I make you swear to tell me nothing but the truth in the name of the LORD?" 1 kings 22:16

Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.Proverbs 12:19

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:21-23

We also have many scriptural references pointing to how bad lying is.

keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Psalm 34:12-14

A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies. Proverbs 12:16-18

The remnant of Israel will do no wrong; they will speak no lies, nor will deceit be found in their mouths. They will eat and lie down and no one will make them afraid." Zephaniah 3:12-14

So with the scriptural argument I've given above, seems pretty simple, right? Lying= always bad, Truth=always good. But, as I love to throw wrenches into the works of machinery, lets take a real life example. Your home eating a meal with your family, a nice man knocks on your door and asks you to please let him in, he's hiding from the authorities. You take this man in your house and keep him there. The authorities later knock on your door asking if you are harboring any fugitives. Your mind takes you back to the scriptures about truth and lies. Seems straightforward that to lie is not ever acceptable, correct? But, a little voice in the back of your mind (call it your conscience, call it the Holy Spirit) tells you to lie. You choke back your original thoughts and tell the authorities no. The year is 1942, your last name is Ten Boom, ring any bells? With that one lie, you have saved that one man, and you go on to save countless others from the fate of death.

While I am not a learned minister, I feel pretty confident there are not any places in the bible where it says it's okay to lie to save lives, etc. If I am wrong, please by all means let me know. So this leaves us in a quandary. Here we have passages in black and white saying lying is not good, and the truth is always right. Yet, I think we can all agree God would not look down upon us for that lie, because it was done to protect life.

And herein lies the division of truth for many people, the context principle. Simply stated "The meaning of a word or passage should never be taken in isolation, but in the context of the whole document itself." So to me, it means scriptures should not lie in isolation, but in the living breathing context of the bible and the world around us. Let me give you a few examples where when the principle of context is taken out of the equation, all kinds of weird ideas spring up. Please understand, I don't mean to insult anyone's faith or views but these are things I personally feel are taken totally out of context with the overall theme of the bible.

These examples are ones I could find that only appeared in a very FEW verses. I know many people may disagree with my views, so please feel free to leave comments, I will do my best to try and reply. Birthday Parties are bad because John the Baptist was beheaded on Herod's birthday. Homosexuality is horrible. Even when looking up references, I had to discard some because they only applied to rape, prostitution, etc. Even then I could really only find 4 verses that were non-specific. So even at the highest number, it's mentioned 8 times in a quasi-contextual way.

We need to be careful as Christians when we spout rhetoric about what God wants us to be and do just based on a few passages that only survive when taken out of the context of the bible itself. It leads to some strange, and sometimes dangerous world views that have implications far beyond what we can directly perceive.

Tomorrow, I will carry through the theme of context when I discuss an issue no one really likes to discuss, but it's an important issue...Abortion

Walk In My Shoes

Many times as Christians we are very guilty of not understanding someones situation in life before launching into judgment. We find it easy to tear down someone for drug abuse, sexual sins or actions we disagree with. It's much easier for us to point at the person and decry their actions without trying to understand them.

I was recently engaged in Christian discussion board which described it primary purpose of existence was to bring people to know the Lord. I thought, what a great ideal! his is something I should be involved in. As a Christian, we all want people to share the joy we feel from God's love, don't we?

As I spent more time on that board I began to realize some very troubling actions from a vast number of the members. We should have been spending time lifting people up, and listening to peoples stories of pain and sorrow. Yet, what I found was most people spent time regurgitating biblical verses to condemn people for their actions. They spent no time trying to help people, or being there as a shoulder to cry on. The attitude I found there was shaking someones hand with one hand while beating someone over the head with the bible in the other hand.

A thread was started titled "If a homosexual couple came to your church, what would you do?" More then half of the comments went along the lines of "Tell them they are living life in sin, and they were not welcome to the church". I was aghast and at a loss for words. Has this what mainline Christianity has turned to? Christians sitting in false white towers bringing down judgment upon the heads of everyone else? Have we so easily forgotten the roots our Lord set for us in his time on earth? Of spending his times not with the holy, but the lost? Of accepting people for all of their quirks and helping them out with them? Have we become so involved with the law that we ourselves are becoming the Pharisees?

It was soon after I could no longer be comfortable with being a member of that organization. I could not in good conscience support any group who's mission was to destroy people, not to help build them up. Judgment is an easy trait for people to hold, we love to feel better about ourselves, usually at the expense of others.

So which line do you think Jesus would subscribe to:
Judge harshly, rebuke swiftly?
Love beyond bounds and be there for people regardless of views?

Sadly, many people choose the first. as it is the easiest to do. It's much easier to judge someone for their sins, then to be their rock to support them and love them no matter what.

I'd like to close with lyrics from Depeche Modes "Walking in My Shoes"

I would tell you about the things they put me through
The pain I've been subjected to, but the Lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet, forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now I'm not looking for absolution, forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes, try walking in my shoes

You'll stumble in my footsteps, keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes, if you try walking in my shoes

God's little winks

Today started out as any normal Sunday. Wake up, get the kids ready, get to church and worship. Before I fully get going most days; I always pray that God place into my heart something to learn from each day. Today, was one of the days that prayer was said. Tim spoke about hope and worshiping God. A quote given today's sermon was

"I know that people say they don't need church, but anytime we gather together, God promises to be with us. What could be more enticing than God's presence? Why wouldn't we go where God promises to be?" (Robin Lemke, Seattle, 29, Quoted in "Relevant Church")

I was blessed enough to receive Gods presence in his full glory from an unlikely place, fishing with my family. Yesterday while running around playing baseball in the park with my son we came across a little ditch running right next to the field (about 100 yard from my house). It's a spring fed ditch, and of course as all kids do my eldest son wanted to check it out. Surprisingly enough it had fish in it! Here a ditch, about 3 miles from the river had a thriving community of our aquatic friends. I promised my kids we would go fishing after church.

We had no shrimp or normal bait, so I took a chicken breast, nuked it and brought it along. We get to the ditch and I rig the kids poles up with a bobber and bait their hooks. They both cast in their lines and we wait. About 30 seconds later Dylan's bobber wooshes under the water. He jumps up, flails about and reels in a sunfish about the size of his fist. He starts pumping his fist, and yelling "YEAH!!!". In his world, you would have thought he just won a million bucks he was so happy. I reset the hook, cast in the bobber and a little while passes and his bobber streaks under the water. I then hear the drag rolling off his reel and the little ultralight pole bent downward at a fairly sharp angle. Dylan fights the fish for a few seconds and reels it towards the bank of the ditch. Lo and behold my son just caught a 9 inch Guadalupe Bass in a DITCH in a neighborhood on Chicken and a float. What he said at that point brought a catch to my throat "Dad, you are the best dad ever, I never knew fishing was this much fun. Can we keep fishing?" We stayed at that ditch for about 2 hours and he ended up catching 7 fish. My youngest son didn't catch any, but that was okay with him too. He had more fun chasing after the dragonfly's and drinking my wife's cold drink. My wife as usual supervised us all to make sure none of her males did anything stupid (as you know males normally do).

Looking back now at this little slice of life it's made me realize how God's winks come in such unexpected forms. The peace, love and happiness I felt sitting at that little ditch next to Pahmeyer road is indescribable. I can truthfully say that this fishing trip was hands down the BEST fishing trip i've ever had. I've fished all my life, offshore, lakes, fly fishing, you name it i've probably fished it and caught it. But in the park, fishing the ditch will live on in my memory forever. Now I see why fishing was so special for my Mom. She never caught much, but was always willing to go. Now, as a father I see why she looked so forward to those times. So Mom, thank you; I do now understand.

You would have thought I just won a gold medal by how I felt. Spending that time with people I loved, surrounded by Gods glory and letting the world pass us by. Worshping God isn't just about rote readings of the bible or going to church x times a week. It's about spending time with friends and loved ones and making the best out of what we have. It's about thanking God for whatever we have as well. For sometimes, its through the smallest things, that we receive the biggest winks from God.

P90X - Weeks 1 - 2.

So, i've been an avid exerciser for the past 5 years or so. I've been running or doing spin class 4 - 5 days a week. I've been able to keep off any extra weight, but I have not been able to loose an ounce. I finally got tired of not making any headway and decided to purchase P90x. I've done it now for 2 full weeks, and i've lost 8 lbs, not too shabby! Of course, I walk around all day sore; but happy. I'm finally making a headway into getting to my goal weight. Now, if I can just figure out how to stop being hungry 24/7. 1500 calories a day just isn't a lot, especially when you consider how hard the P90X program pushes you.

As good of cardiovascular shape as I was, my body was NOT prepared for P90X. I used muscles I didn't know I had, from chest, back and hamstrings. When you run and bike a lot only specific muscles get used, the others just kinda sit by. Well, P90X works on the premise of muscle confusion, and boy does it sure confuse them! I've gotten to the point now where I can do the majority of the 6 videos a week, except for Yoga. That is an evil, evil, evil exercise routine. It very quickly shows which muscles are weaker then the others. The Downward Dogs really put me through a beating. But, I am nothing but determined. Hopefully, by the end of the program i'll be able to do the full 1 1/2 program.

But, no pain no gain, right? Anyone, right?

Why Snapshots Of Life?

Blogging is a way for each person to get a small glimpse of their life and publish it for the world to see. It's very hard to truly understand another person, especially when most of us don't even understand ourselves. Through this blog, I will hold no punches, nor candy coat my thoughts or views.

This is a pure raw glimpse into my world as I see it and experience it.