The tomes of life

So, I'm about to weird y'all out again (hooray!) God blessed me with an overactive imagination. The other night was one of those nights. For some reason, I could not sleep and I tossed and turned through the night. My mind was like a beehive, jumping around all over the place. I tried meditating, but even that last bastion of calm eluded me. When I noticed the clock blinking 12:45 I knew it was uselsess to sleep at that time. I put on my headphones, set my song book to random and just listened. My mind started slowing down, and I was able to start focusing on one thing at a time. I then started writing down whatever I was thinking, random thoughts scribbled on paper. I then was able to sleep for a few hours at least. When I woke up the next day I looked at the computer screen to what I had written down. I noticed some lines in it that really jumped out at me.

I worked for a while last night to organize them and put them in a sort of readable format. You can't call it a poem, nor a song. I don't know what to really call it but a collection.

It’s cold outside, as I’m waiting here for the night. I am falling and I crawl back in my shell; so weak, so beaten. All that I wanted, all that I ever I thought I could be should be laid in your hands. I never thought that I would take it back, now I don’t want to. When the journey started, when I knew I’d make it home. I was all for trying, till the path that lead me wrong became clear. I am lost in my dreams and lies, I need someone to heal me. Then I heard the warning, and I knew what was to come soon. I try to stay awake, yet all along my darker days are still to come. The unseen is closing fast and what was once clean destroyed by things that never last. But I can’t escape it, and everything I see I just don’t know. I’m crawling with fever, I’m sinking in deeper I need to find my way back. But inside, the fear is burning my mind; the last goodbye, sleep tight.

Deep inside, the thought embraces my mind. You paid the price for our lives, yet we still insist to take our own way. You’re lying here by my side, and the pain inside will subside. You just want to give your universe, all you gave and all you found. No one can heal me, but by faith alone in Christ. Your outstretched hand reaches through my walls, breaking them down. You see through the smoke and love me unforgivingly even when I don't. Through your grace and love, I am forgiven and saved despite myself.


Please don't think i'm some kind of suffering emo waiting to go in my corner and have the gnashing of teeth. These were just thoughts and themes running through my mind late at night.

I said before this blog is a totally free and uncensored look into the depths of the abyss of my mind. This is me folks, warts and all.