Who shall inherit the earth again?

We are all familiar with Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." (emphasis mine) I want to shout it loud and clear THEY GOT IT WRONG. Most authors place the Greek word praos in the scripture, and that would mean roughly meek. I say, the original text is NOT praos but gune. Yes, I know they look different, but hear me out.

Today after karate class I was eating dinner and the boys were taking their baths. All of a sudden I hear a 7 year old scream "CANNON BALL!!!" and then a THUD! SPLASH! and maniacal laugh. I then hear the 4 year old yell "CANNON BALL!!!" and then a thud, no splash and then crying. I get up, go into the bathroom and my naked 4 year old is lying on the tile crying. I notice no blood, no welts and he was awake so I brushed him off and put him in the bathtub. Walking back to finish my dinner, Emma just asks "He missed?" I said yep, and she went back to doing grades.

Later, I went to pull the heathens from the tub. In the doorway between the master bathroom and our room I have a chinup bar I use for exercising. The boys and I were playing around and I told them "Hey guy's watch this!" I then took a running start at the bar, grabbed it held on and flipped myself forward. That part worked well. What I didn't plan on in my little pea brain was the fact the boys had just finished a bath and the bathroom floor was wet. Do you know what the sound of a 260 lb man flying into a bathub makes? After the kids stopped laughing and the stars cleared from my head I got up and went along. My long suffering wife didn't even bother coming in to see if I was okay. She just stated "Did something stupid, huh?" I said yep. She said "Did it hurt?" I said yep. She said "Serves you right ding dong" and went back to doing grades.

Around 8, the boys decided they wanted a snack. I was looking around the cabinet and thought what can I give them? I saw honey in the cabinet and right next to it was a package of marshmallows. I mean marshmallows are good, honey is good so it goes to figure both together would make an uber-snack! The boys then ate the uber-snack with a gusto seen only in nature videos of a pack of hyenas. Thier need for a snack sated I read thier books to them, and then turned on noggin for them to watch tv for a little while. Emily looking up from her grades asks me "Did you feed the boys a snack?" I said yep. She asked "What did you feed them?" I said "Stuff I found in the cabinet". She then gave me the Mommy look "Jason, did you feed them that old bread we had in there!?" The fact that she had to even ask that should give you my gentle reader some insight to my mental decision making abilities. This stems from what I call the "Expirement on eating a grossly expired can of beans and weenies". After a few days of intestinal distress, I have a healthy respect for expiration dates. But, I digress. I replied back to Emma "No hon, I didn't give them moldy bread" If looks could kill, I would be drawn and quartered. "What then, dear husband did you feed our kids?" I knew at that point there was no going back. I had made another mistake. "Well, you see the boys were starving after Karate and playing, so I wanted to give them something to boost their energy. I saw some honey, and poured it over marshmallows for them to eat." My wife made a face that I have only seen in a snake as it swallows a small rodent. "Oh dear God Jason. You just fed the boys concentrated sugar before bed. I ask you to watch the boys 1 night while I do grades. You know they will be wired!"

I then tried to explain to her that the view that sugar makes children wild is a misnomer. I started bringing up all sorts of valid medical studies as to why sugar doesn't make a child crazy. At that point my 4 year old comes streaking out of his room running as fast as his little legs can. On his back is a superman cape and he's wearing a spiderman mask. He stops in the middle of the tv room, does a side-kick, yells "HIYA" and runs off back into his room. My wife just smiles coldly at me (kind of like a lion does before it eats a wildebeest) and says "They are yours tonight dear!" Well, suffice it to say, it's now around 10:00 and the kids still aren't in bed. But, there is a definite slow down in that room. I think the natives are starting to tire, the sugar has now burned it's way through their systems. YAY, here comes the sugar crash. Oh man, am I dead...

And, back to the beginning gune is greek for wife/woman. They have to inherit the earth, because us men are too stupid to do anything without them. If we didn't have women to keep us in check, this world would be a huge mess.

Oh, and guys, don't EVER feed your children honey and marshmallows before bed. It makes your wife angry. And when momma ain't happy, no one is happy.

Hmm, I wonder how much Benadryl it takes to put a 40 lb 7 year old to bed? "EMMA........"